Dating in 2017

As the year ends it makes sense to wrap it with a summary. Ups and downs of dating in 2017.
Ups:

  • More choices. A lot of people are way more open about dating and wasting less time on meaningless chatter
  • More freedom. Way fewer people feel like they need to lock you down and chain to themselves
  • Technology. Dating apps galore, barely have time to switch between them. Some people are still on OkCupid or even Match.com but I have a feeling those are dying out quickly
  • Flexibility. Picking a place to meet or to spend time at, choices are almost limitless.
  • Kink is good. Love it or hate it, but movies like 50 Shades and Gerald’s Game have definitely opened up some people. If it was taboo for them, now they can be a little bit more open and it’s easier to get the person talking to see if your kinks match

Downs:

  • Idiocy continues. Idiots harassing opposite genders, lawsuits galore, greedy scumbags profiting from sexual harassment cases – all of that puts many people on the defensive. A consensual relationship may turn into something else just on one of partners say-so.
  • Too many choices. Why bother figuring out this woman (or that guy) if another one is just a swipe away. Are her eyes a wrong shade of blue? Pass. Is he wearing sneakers to work? Pass.
  • Prejudice is still going strong. Are you into kink? You must be a pervert and should be in jail. Are you watching porn? Oh, you’re so not a dating material. You want to do what to me? You’re disgusting.
  • Racism. Goes both ways. This race blames that for one thing or another. That race advocates only to date within their race because that other race is full of bigots and racists. All shades and colors are in disarray and everyone is blaming everyone else for this. No one looks at themselves and thinks – what the actual fuck am I doing? Everyone’s too busy looking for someone else to blame.
  • Greed is not always good. Dating up is a thing and once you’re out of your full-time gig at Burger King you are the one to be dated up TO. Sad to see people break up with their partners so that they can get to someone with more money in their pockets.
  • Sugar mommy/sugar daddy. I was oblivious how much of the thing this is. I was blind, but now I see. Apparently, it’s not only a thing to do – it is also a thing to brag about to your friends (real or otherwise), post shit you’ve gotten from multiple “mommies” or “daddies” on Instagram, discuss amounts received and so on. I am so behind on times, I am sad with myself.
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I Don’t Want Nothing Serious – Why Is She Telling You Just The Opposite Of What She Thinks

You are sitting comfortably on a date with the girl you like more and more every minute. You get to that point of conversation where you’re about to share what you want to do with your life in the next ten to twenty years. You, the brave man, venture ahead and boldly say that you want yourself some family, some kids, some stability. In her turn she’s telling you that she doesn’t want anything serious. You sit there a bit disappointed and crushed – after all you kind of liked her and you thought this just might get serious enough…

Here’s where you got to stop. There are few things that may have happened, so be a man and DON’T rush to conclusions immediately. After all, a little thought goes a long way.

1. She is playing you. That is, of course, the most obvious explanation. Basically she waits for you to say “Yeah, I have never believed in that serious relationship thing anyway”. Once you’ve said that – and unless she’s really that kind of the game – you’re done for.

2. She is teasing you. While this means something similar to the previous one, but still different. If she really likes you and your perception of seriousness, she may throw in some fun by saying she doesn’t care. That is, of course, if she’s aware that you have shown to have a sense of humor.

3. She is serious. That’s the biggest disappointment, I know, but yet there are still a couple of chances where you can improve the situation. Yes, she may not be interested in a serious dating – for now. Maybe she’s still recovering from the previous botched relationship. Maybe she just hasn’t met the right guy for so long she got too cynical about it. Or maybe she’s just saying it out loud so that it would turn out not true.

In either case – she’s not saying what she thinks. What you really want to do is figure out what does she hide behind those words. It’s a little dating game and you absolutely must play it – unless you want to bail out right there and then.

First thing you should do is t0 take a deep breath before you say anything else. Think the response through, as that may be an end to the date or a beginning of a beautiful relationship. Then you would want to say is something like: “Sure, I respect your view on this, so why don’t we take things slow and see where this will lead us to“. Now the important this is NOT TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE. If you blurt something like “and then maybe you will reconsider and marry me”, especially on a first or a second date – you’re in a bad shape. Just let it hang in there, because it’s a proposition to leave things going the way they were before. If she’s happy with it – she will agree to it. If she’s not – you don’t need to waste your time and energy on her anymore. In either case you’ll end up knowing more about where your relationship is going and that’s a good thing.

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