Feb 06 2010
You are sitting comfortably on a date with the girl you like more and more every minute. You get to that point of conversation where you’re about to share what you want to do with your life in the next ten to twenty years. You, the brave man, venture ahead and boldly say that you want yourself some family, some kids, some stability. In her turn she’s telling you that she doesn’t want anything serious. You sit there a bit disappointed and crushed – after all you kind of liked her and you thought this just might get serious enough…
Here’s where you got to stop. There are few things that may have happened, so be a man and DON’T rush to conclusions immediately. After all, a little thought goes a long way.
1. She is playing you. That is, of course, the most obvious explanation. Basically she waits for you to say “Yeah, I have never believed in that serious relationship thing anyway”. Once you’ve said that – and unless she’s really that kind of the game – you’re done for.
2. She is teasing you. While this means something similar to the previous one, but still different. If she really likes you and your perception of seriousness, she may throw in some fun by saying she doesn’t care. That is, of course, if she’s aware that you have shown to have a sense of humor.
3. She is serious. That’s the biggest disappointment, I know, but yet there are still a couple of chances where you can improve the situation. Yes, she may not be interested in a serious dating – for now. Maybe she’s still recovering from the previous botched relationship. Maybe she just hasn’t met the right guy for so long she got too cynical about it. Or maybe she’s just saying it out loud so that it would turn out not true.
In either case – she’s not saying what she thinks. What you really want to do is figure out what does she hide behind those words. It’s a little dating game and you absolutely must play it – unless you want to bail out right there and then.
First thing you should do is t0 take a deep breath before you say anything else. Think the response through, as that may be an end to the date or a beginning of a beautiful relationship. Then you would want to say is something like: “Sure, I respect your view on this, so why don’t we take things slow and see where this will lead us to“. Now the important this is NOT TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE. If you blurt something like “and then maybe you will reconsider and marry me”, especially on a first or a second date – you’re in a bad shape. Just let it hang in there, because it’s a proposition to leave things going the way they were before. If she’s happy with it – she will agree to it. If she’s not – you don’t need to waste your time and energy on her anymore. In either case you’ll end up knowing more about where your relationship is going and that’s a good thing.