Here’s where you got to stop. There are few things that may have happened, so be a man and DON’T rush to conclusions immediately. After all, a little thought goes a long way.

1. She is playing you. That is, of course, the most obvious explanation. Basically she waits for you to say “Yeah, I have never believed in that serious relationship thing anyway”. Once you’ve said that – and unless she’s really that kind of the game – you’re done for.

2. She is teasing you. While this means something similar to the previous one, but still different. If she really likes you and your perception of seriousness, she may throw in some fun by saying she doesn’t care. That is, of course, if she’s aware that you have shown to have a sense of humor.

3. She is serious. That’s the biggest disappointment, I know, but yet there are still a couple of chances where you can improve the situation. Yes, she may not be interested in a serious dating – for now. Maybe she’s still recovering from the previous botched relationship. Maybe she just hasn’t met the right guy for so long she got too cynical about it. Or maybe she’s just saying it out loud so that it would turn out not true.

In either case – she’s not saying what she thinks. What you really want to do is figure out what does she hide behind those words. It’s a little dating game and you absolutely must play it – unless you want to bail out right there and then.

First thing you should do is t0 take a deep breath before you say anything else. Think the response through, as that may be an end to the date or a beginning of a beautiful relationship. Then you would want to say is something like: “Sure, I respect your view on this, so why don’t we take things slow and see where this will lead us to“. Now the important this is NOT TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE. If you blurt something like “and then maybe you will reconsider and marry me”, especially on a first or a second date – you’re in a bad shape. Just let it hang in there, because it’s a proposition to leave things going the way they were before. If she’s happy with it – she will agree to it. If she’s not – you don’t need to waste your time and energy on her anymore. In either case you’ll end up knowing more about where your relationship is going and that’s a good thing.

Now, you back on the dating market, what should you do? 5 simple steps should help you out.

1. Forget your grievances. I know, it’s hard, but until you do – don’t even think of showing up on any dating web site. Women have this “seventh sense”, they feel when you just coming out of a bad relationship, so unless you’re looking for mother-son type of relationship (more on that later) – don’t!

2. Do your homework. Once you over the break up, think why your relationship failed, especially how you contributed to the failure. Speaking from experience, it’s best done during the next mentioned activity.

3. Hit the gym! Holidays are food, fun, food and some more food. Everyone knows it, but it doesn’t mean she will accept your “love handles, extraordinaire“. Get back to your gym, your diet, your running routine, whatever – just get back in shape ASAP. If you want the best, you must give out your best.

4. Don’t bring your old relationship into the new one. This may sound like #1 on the list, but I actually mean something else. Even after you get over the break up, you still will be trying to take things as they used to be. Maybe she will let you slide once after you say “My ex-girlfriend always made coffee in the morning”, but if it gets a bit too repetitive you may find making only one cup of coffee instead of two.

5. Dress up! Whatever your ex was telling you about the way she wanted you to dress – forget that for a moment and dress nice and appropriate. Maybe she liked that “bad boy” style, maybe she wanted to be seen with total geek – whatever her choice was, there is a little chance you will make exactly the same impression on all the other girls you are planning to meet. So dress up, just a notch above the line so she would take you seriously.

With Valentine’s Day only weeks away, you may want to straighten up your image and get to searching so that someone truly significant will feed you those cheesy strawberries with creme or chocolates in February. Good luck!

Have a happy New Year. The 2010 should be a lot better than 2009 – it’s not only a new year, it’s a beginning of a new decade. So leave all the bad issues, dating failures and dating horror stories behind. Enter the new decade with clear minds and be happy.

Happy Dating

Happy Relationships.

Happy New Year!

So the next day comes and she calls him. They exchange pleasantries and agree to meet later on that day for a Friday night date. Obviously, there’s no talk about clubs, parties or any other stuff. They have decided to simply meet, talk and, maybe, walk.

Around 8 o’clock they’ve settled in a small restaurant, quiet enough that they could actually talk. She was persuasive as a devil himself, so our guy believed there was a legit reason for her to miss the date (Ahh, that persuasion force, triple-D on a bra scale – how many men have fallen for it). Since it was Friday already, there was no need to get up early tomorrow morning, so they sat and talk for hours. Then he drove her home and again – they talked for another couple of hours. She was wearing some sort of semi-transparent long skirt, so not only her curves were seductively partially visible, but also her gorgeous legs. She definitely knew how to capture man’s attention and keep it all to herself. When the clock in the car was showing 2:21am they decided to finish the date with a long goodnight kiss. By some 2:40am he was able to catch a breath and started a car on the way home.

Next few days passed, they met, walked or went out, kissing more passionately and more often. However, she was running out of new dresses. He was also running out – of patience. She noticed him getting anxious about taking the relationship to the next step (wasn’t that obvious!) and brought up an interesting discovery. Being a hot attractive woman she was never short of man’s attention. What she was short of, was men who wanted a good relationship. So she came up with this idea that the man should patiently win her over – in due time. She wasn’t shy of having sex, in fact, one of the reasons why she kept going out with our guy was that she was interested in him and having a healthy sexual relationship – all perks attached. Not just having hot sex, but having a full-blown relationship. Hot relationship.

And for that, she said, she wants him to change his wardrobe. Coming from the point when our guy was overweight and wearing size 42 clothes, it kind of made sense. So they went on a shopping spree. 5 hours and $5,000 later she finally was happy with the way her man looked on the outside. As a side benefit she got to see what’s under the bulky clothes and she loved every piece of it. But one last piece remained untouched. She decided if she wanted to put it out she want to do it in style.

They took a spontaneous trip to Philadelphia. Why Philadelphia? I asked them both – neither have any idea. It just sort of popped up in conversation. They booked a room in a plain hotel in the center of Philadelphia. He prepared a little surprise for her though. Once she walked into the reception area and said her name the receptionist handed her a huge bouquet of orchids, her favorite flowers, while he was still parking the car outside. Given that they have arrived at 10pm, this counted for double the brownie points. They got into their room and…

Well, let’s just wrap the story up by saying that next day they woke up late. Right around the corner from the hotel where they were staying there is a Philadelphia Love Park. That is where they took their first picture together – right under that huge red sign. And as they told me there wasn’t a day after that they spent apart ever since.

1. There is a feature or two that you like, but overall she’s not your cup of tea. DON’T DO IT. Those features get easily lost in a day to day life. Trust  me, you are going to annoy each other to hell and back, so if you don’t absolutely love everything about that person – don’t date her.

2. She’s a gold digger. This should be a no-brainer, but some guys do indeed loose their brains somewhere around their ass. Unless you print money in your basement, no matter how much you are making there will never be enough. True, you are making money so that most of it would be spend on girls or by girls, but please be a man, not an ATM.

3. She has a busy social life. Everyone needs to party from time to time, there is nothing wrong with that. But if whenever you call her, you find her partying it means that either you don’t call too often or she parties too much. Do you want to date a girl who’s only objective in life is to go to as many parties as possible?

4. She has busy family life. No doubt about it, if she helps her older parents that deserves a highest respect. However, if taking her out on a date becomes a problem because she needs to do this and that around the house or needs to run errands for her cousin – maybe you should be looking for a date elsewhere.

5. She is a busy working bee. Career is important, building it is hard. Some people do indeed work 24×7, but it doesn’t mean you don’t get to enjoy personal life. We are not talking about ideal balance, but balance is what you should be looking for. If she pays more attention to her Blackberry than to anything you had to say throughout the whole evening – wish her good luck and search again.

6. She has those “special” friends. It doesn’t mean you have to strip her of her friendships with other people, not at all. But again, there has to be some balance between what she does and with whom. When you are just starting – there isn’t much you could or should do about that, but when your relationship is already well underway special friends (who take priority over you) aren’t a good sign. You will just have to figure it out if they are rooting against you or if you have good relationships with them too, as they may have their own agenda: for all you know they may be working hard not to lose their benefits.

7. She has substance issues. You are not going to believe it, but there is a big number of people who actually think they can save someone by having a relationship with that person. Once in a blue moon it may help – and that is when you might read it all over the news. Here’s an example that I think perfectly illustrates it. Imagine you are standing on a table, near the edge. Imagine another person (who you are trying to save and bring to your level) is standing next to you on the floor. How hard would it be to pull that person up onto the table? How hard would it be for that person to bring you down? See what I mean?

8. She is a known cheater. Sorry, no matter how many times she is saying that she loves you, if she is not happy with something – she will cheat again and again. If you plan on having an open relationship – that’s fine, but if you want to have a foundation for a family – I doubt this will be acceptable.

9. She has attention issues. This is sort of two-in one point, so bear with me. If she thinks she doesn’t get enough attention from you and other people – she will go to great lengths to attract it. Dressing provocatively and following up on such provocations is the bare minimum of what you should expect. Alternatively, if she does not give you enough attention (whatever the reasons are), it usually means that on her scale of importance of things, you are somewhere between her pet and a mail man. Of course, you know all the stories about the mail man, but have you seen any of them ending with “they lived happily ever after“?

1. We see your body. Especially on a first date – this is the first thing we are paying attention to. Some like curves, some like slim shape, it doesn’t matter. What matters is – we look at how good you look. If you think you can impress us with your smarts and wits – be smart enough to shape up, dress up and put on your make up.
2. We see woman’s body language. We may not be able to read all the signs or read through, but if your eyes are drifting away all the time – we can spot it. If a woman is constantly checking her phone (or worse yet – her Blackberry) – we take note.
3. We see how other guys are looking at you. If no one is impressed – we don’t want it. Believe it or not – we do value peer review. So if other guys are looking at us with envy, or not even looking at us because they look at you – we made the right choice.
4. We pay attention to what you are saying. Men mostly are straightforward. If woman says she’d like pizza – we go and get some pizza for her and for us. Or take her to such place. We don’t see this as yet another puzzle that, when solved, should reveal the desire to be taken on a long night walk at the beach with some champagne, flowers and poems under the Moon. Really, you said pizza, didn’t you?
5. We pay attention to the difference between that picture in your dating profile and the real thing that just landed in the chair across from us. If the difference is too significant – we will run away. The more the difference the faster the speed. Want to manipulate men? Here’s your chance.
6. We see a desperate woman when she is desperate. Everyone hits a rough patch once in a while, the idea is not to lose control over yourself because of that. If you seem desperate – we see you as an easy target. Some may take advantage of that, but most men will likely pass you by. We are hunters, if prey falls from the sky into our hands – where’s the excitement? We move on immediately. If we feed on a healthy prey – we get better at hunting. Those who pick you up after us are scavengers. You don’t want them.
7. We understand that nobody is perfect. We may turn the blind eye to some of the shortcomings, but if there are too many – we can’t. Neither can you. As I have said – no one is perfect, no matter what your mom told you.
8. We don’t like to rush things, so we immediately see when women do. Picking up a good name for baby is good for 3rd month of pregnancy, not 3rd month of dating. Of course most women want marriage, children and the whole thing. But rushing us into it may just make us do the opposite. At one time there was a popular story when after a one-night stand guy wakes up with a girl next to him in his bed. And the first thing he hears is “and in that corner we will put baby’s cradle”.
9. Last, but not least. We see how you react to our faults. If a guy dropped a fork on the floor, or spilled wine on the table and all he hears is how clumsy he is – chances are that this is his last date with you. You can call him gazillion times – he will not go out with you again. He doesn’t need another mom telling him how to do simple things.

Recently I had a sort of unpleasant experience with YANIG – Yet Another Not Interested Girl. To make long story short – I liked her, tried to get her out for a date, but failed miserably - twice. However, it didn’t come as a surprise at all, mainly because this was a long shot (she’s probably twice as small as I am and for some people it matters) and because I hadn’t seen much of interest coming from her. But I was indeed interested – and that was enough to at least try. Twice.

So why did I try then? Well, it’s always worth a shot. Maybe she’s too shy, shut and closed in her own world. Maybe she just isn’t sure you will like her – and she does not want to fail anymore than you do. Or maybe she is simply not that into you. How could you tell? READ THE BODY LANGUAGE!

Hope I made that loud enough. To tell you the truth – this is the main reason I was not surprised – I have read the response to every single approach a few seconds before the girl replied with ordinary pleasantries. In fact, after about 15 minutes I could probably foretell most of her responses to generic pre-dating questions, and after two dates (if I would get them, of course) I would probably be able to imagine how the relationship would unfold. And how it would inevitably crumble. She’s not interested, what can I do, right?

Unless she’s a professional actress or a real pro at deceiving people (in which case you don’t really want to deal with all the consequences) she will give it away by speaking with her body, not the words. If you watched recent “Lie To Me” or old “The Negotiator” with Kevin Spacey and Samuel L. Jackson, you probably know what I mean. However, you are at much better position here – nobody’s life is at stake. No one is going to jail. Everyone is relaxed – or at least should be – so the probability of her body lying to you is a lot smaller. Which is your opportunity now that you must cease!

Now, you, on the other hand, will have to control yourself and do what men are supposed to do if they want to get a date – LISTEN! But not only words, but body moves too. Of course, you’ve read and heard about how if the person touches his or her nose it means they’re lying, or if they cover their mouth they are scared of saying something they don’t want. Like that’s going to help you!

SO WHERE IS THE DICTIONARY? Tough luck, boys, there’s none. If someone would come up with dictionary for women body language – they’d be the richest people in the world. Gold, oil, gas, diamonds – everything can be acquired one way or the other, only women will always drive men crazy. But back to our subject. How do you tell if a girl is interested in you if she carries her purse or tote and simply can’t cover her mouth each time she’s not telling you something?

Simple. Watch the whole body. If you are on a date at the cafe – watch the pose. If she’s crossing her arms in front of her – it’s called a defensive stance and she wants to protect herself from you, so slow down on those compliments. Worse yet if she puts her large bag on her lap in front of her – she is almost scared! If she’s looking around once every few seconds – either she’s very uncomfortable (and you have to ask what’s wrong, maybe she just needs to excuse herself to the bathroom) or she is VERY not interested and looking for distraction. Of course she may just be checking the place where you brought her to, but watch for the expression on her face when she’s scanning the area. If she’s fumbling with her accessories – she’s probably nervous about something (could be, or could be not you – try to find out).

One of the hardest things in reading the body language of the person you have never seen (or seen just once or twice) is weeding out the false alarms. What if she’s having allergies and that is the reason why she’s touching her nose – not because she’s a pathological liar. What if mosquito bit her ear last night and she’s fumbling with her earrings to make itching go away – not because she’s inventing some fake story about herself. What if she’s a single mom and checking her cell phone because she’s expecting that her babysitter will call any minute and ruin an amazing time she’s having with you.

As I have said – there is no dictionary for woman’s body language, but you can write one for the kind of girls you like. As long as it makes you both happy – good luck!