Don’t Date This Guy

After I have completed the whole eHarmony dating web site report (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, follow-up) I got a number of comments. Thank you for them, it was nice to see this work didn’t go unnoticed. Also, it was nice to see that there are many ladies among those who are reading this. Not sure why you are doing this, but thank you too!

Unfortunately most of these are the comments that I cannot display for a number of obvious reasons. One of them being that someone was disgruntled with eHarmony because that one guy was an asshole. It happens on any dating web site, not just eHarmony, therefore it’s a bit off the topic. Another was that quite a few of you commentators are posting real names of people who wronged you or your own names, which – for your own good – you should not be doing, unless you’re absolutely sure. And last, but not least, because  the description of your experience was too detailed and that you might regret posting this in conjunction with your names in the future, but your comment would show up in Google’s cache – forever, even if this blog would be no more. So those of you who really think you want your issues discussed – let me know, I am giving you a couple of weeks of cooling off time.

Let me address the most talked about issue from comments. It wasn’t just two people who got hooked dating liars and gold diggers, there’s a huge chunk of you, guys, who get into dating or into relationship so blindly, you keep banging your head on the closed door of the next train, not even noticing that the first one left two days ago. I can understand teenagers doing that for hormonal reasons, but after you hit your twenties half a dozen times you should know better. Open your eyes, more importantly – open your ears! Listen to her – not only it’s a sure way to get closer and to keep her, it is also the best way to spot a liar or a gold digger.

Next dating issue on the list – someone wronged you and you run around posting that person’s name on every blog and forum about dating you can possibly google. Here’s a hint – stop whining. Dating is a game, there are winners and loosers and if you already came up on a short end of stick – you don’t really want the whole world to know, do you? Do you really think spending your time copy-pasting that rant across the internet will help you find that girl you are looking for? Or do you think the person who wronged you will crawl on all four into your apartment to give you an apology and a blowjob? I don’t think so. Just shut up and move on. Find someone hotter, smarter and better – to show that person and everyone else that you can do better.

To conclude – a little story. Well, maybe not really little, but I will keep it brief. There is this friend of mine, nice guy, athletic build, smart, stable – everything a decent girl wants. He is dreaming to get a very specific type of girl – approximately his age, slim, big breasts, redhead, smart and sexy. My take on that was – good luck with that, they’re all taken already. Imagine my surprise when he shows up with exactly that type of a girl. Damn smart, damn sexy and everything else is there. He wasted half a year and huge chunk of money dating her, but she didn’t even let him kiss her. My thoughts were – what a loser, not even a kiss in a half a year! He breaks up with her and in less then three months picks up another – redhead, hotter than fire, all is there and then there’s some. To my eyes – she looked hotter than his previous girl by leaps and bounds; he thinks exactly the same thing. For all I know – they are married for almost two years already, never been happier with each other. I happen to ask them if he ever told her about that girl he dated for half a year. To much of my surprise – not only he did, he asked why would someone do something like this. Her response was straight  and to the point – “I am so lucky that stupid bitch didn’t know WHAT she had next to her”.

Please, stop grieving about someone who is that stupid. Go out and make someone happy.

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There is a common misconception that if you surprise the girl you want to date with your sudden appearance (like jumping from around the corner) she will immediately recognize the best parts of your magnificent self. This inevitably will lead to her falling in love with you at first sight, dating you for as long as you like, marrying you and living happily ever after. Of course, I don’t have to explain why this is the as far from the truth as it can be. If you want to ask for date and get a date, not a slap on your face – read on.

A few days ago, on the bus, I met this absolutely gorgeous woman. She was the best a plastic surgery can do for a woman of a middle age. Tall, with stunning curvaceous body, large breasts, perfectly round tight ass, puffy lips, perfect facial features, bright blue eyes, light flawless skin – you know what I mean. We talked just a bit and one of the questions I asked was – how does she feel about the guys who approach her. Her answer wasn’t a surprise though – it was something I have already heard a number times over from hundreds of other girls.

She said she’s in her own inner world, paying little to no attention to things that go on outside. When someone approaches her, she actually has to make an effort to connect her world with our world and talk to that approached person. And after she’s done, she closes the door and gets back into the comfort of her own things. Therefore random people who approach her are sort of aliens to her – she watches them with childish amazement (I confirm that – it’s exactly how she looked at me throughout the whole conversation) and then sort of turns off the TV she’s watching.

Now, remember all those times when you were openly expressing an interest in some hot chicks out there and they barely noticed you. THEY ACTUALLY DIDN’T – but not because there’s something wrong with you, but because they are in the world of their own. Let me repeat that for the slowpokes – there is nothing wrong with you if that hot lady ignores you. She just isn’t mentally here at the moment.

Now back to our initial question on approaching and asking for a date. Knowing all this your job has just got a bit harder. But knowing this will definitely spare you from making a huge mistake, loosing a great date and on what truly could be your happily ever after.

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Just recently I noticed that eHarmony is running some cheesy ads on TV. Unfortunately, YouTube only has limited number of ads and not all variations are present, so I cannot link to the one I was watching. There are, however, a few more that are so cheesy they’ve lost all the kick. But I digress.

The point that I want to reinforce is that the major eHarmony’s selling point is the increased distance between members, so that you would settle for anything as long as the pain of going over the questionnaires would stop. At least two of ads on YouTube feature people holding (literally) stacks of paper with member’s profile data. I’m not saying you should make every date a blind date, but at least don’t make it a scientific research.

On the other hand I just might be barking at the wrong tree. One of the commercials start with these exact words: “My mom mentioned eHarmony”. Right off the bat this position the eHarmony’s target audience as immature people who need hand holding when choosing life partner. So now I am thinking – maybe all those questions aren’t bad. Maybe it’s the hand-holding that those immature people need and crave in order to find someone decent, someone they could finally settle with. You know, someone just good enough.

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Read Part 1, Part 2.

Last week I wrapped up the research and canceled the membership. Overall, I was extremely unsatisfied with the search process and quality of the results eHarmony offers and the main reason for it is the primary eHarmony’s feature – their matching system.

See, the idea behind the system that eHarmony offers is to match you only with people who align well with gazillion of test questions you’ve been asked. There’s whole another can of problems with test themselves, but we’ll get there in a moment. However, the whole process of answering questions, looking through supplied matches and making contact has been carefully crafted into bureaucracy beyond any wildest imagination. The solid and sound idea of scientific matching eroded into a chain of automatic canned responses similar to your average customer service phone. eHarmony have successfully diminished any kind of personal touch into choosing which canned response to use.

In all practicality the idea of putting a ladder of half a dozen steps (send your preferences, wait for her preferences, send next bunch of questions, wait for response, wait for her questions, and on and on) might work to protect you from a unnecessary attention, but any maniac would be much more determined to get to you then the person that just wants to find a relationship. For more active types this means abandoning the service, while for more passive it would probably mean settling for less. In either case people who use the service loose.

Now in regards to questions – they are neither helping nor telling anything useful about the person. From my experience, if the person writes some messed up entry on “how do you see your first date” question, it would tell me more about her than a bunch of multiple choice questions. Ever since the school we’ve been taught to pick the right answer on the test, but this isn’t a test, this is something totally different. Why even use multiple choice in such cases is beyond me.

I remember the initial idea behind an extensive questionnaire was to fend off maniacs and sleazes and keep the good guys in. Well, good guys just don’t have a load of time to sift through useless profiles without any sign of personality. Add lack of the photographs to lack of individuality and you would even be able to tell if the person behind profile is real.

Overall, the service seems to be a complete, utter and definite waste of time and money.

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