Don’t Date This Guy

After I have completed the whole eHarmony dating web site report (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, follow-up) I got a number of comments. Thank you for them, it was nice to see this work didn’t go unnoticed. Also, it was nice to see that there are many ladies among those who are reading this. Not sure why you are doing this, but thank you too!

Unfortunately most of these are the comments that I cannot display for a number of obvious reasons. One of them being that someone was disgruntled with eHarmony because that one guy was an asshole. It happens on any dating web site, not just eHarmony, therefore it’s a bit off the topic. Another was that quite a few of you commentators are posting real names of people who wronged you or your own names, which – for your own good – you should not be doing, unless you’re absolutely sure. And last, but not least, because  the description of your experience was too detailed and that you might regret posting this in conjunction with your names in the future, but your comment would show up in Google’s cache – forever, even if this blog would be no more. So those of you who really think you want your issues discussed – let me know, I am giving you a couple of weeks of cooling off time.

Let me address the most talked about issue from comments. It wasn’t just two people who got hooked dating liars and gold diggers, there’s a huge chunk of you, guys, who get into dating or into relationship so blindly, you keep banging your head on the closed door of the next train, not even noticing that the first one left two days ago. I can understand teenagers doing that for hormonal reasons, but after you hit your twenties half a dozen times you should know better. Open your eyes, more importantly – open your ears! Listen to her – not only it’s a sure way to get closer and to keep her, it is also the best way to spot a liar or a gold digger.

Next dating issue on the list – someone wronged you and you run around posting that person’s name on every blog and forum about dating you can possibly google. Here’s a hint – stop whining. Dating is a game, there are winners and loosers and if you already came up on a short end of stick – you don’t really want the whole world to know, do you? Do you really think spending your time copy-pasting that rant across the internet will help you find that girl you are looking for? Or do you think the person who wronged you will crawl on all four into your apartment to give you an apology and a blowjob? I don’t think so. Just shut up and move on. Find someone hotter, smarter and better – to show that person and everyone else that you can do better.

To conclude – a little story. Well, maybe not really little, but I will keep it brief. There is this friend of mine, nice guy, athletic build, smart, stable – everything a decent girl wants. He is dreaming to get a very specific type of girl – approximately his age, slim, big breasts, redhead, smart and sexy. My take on that was – good luck with that, they’re all taken already. Imagine my surprise when he shows up with exactly that type of a girl. Damn smart, damn sexy and everything else is there. He wasted half a year and huge chunk of money dating her, but she didn’t even let him kiss her. My thoughts were – what a loser, not even a kiss in a half a year! He breaks up with her and in less then three months picks up another – redhead, hotter than fire, all is there and then there’s some. To my eyes – she looked hotter than his previous girl by leaps and bounds; he thinks exactly the same thing. For all I know – they are married for almost two years already, never been happier with each other. I happen to ask them if he ever told her about that girl he dated for half a year. To much of my surprise – not only he did, he asked why would someone do something like this. Her response was straight  and to the point – “I am so lucky that stupid bitch didn’t know WHAT she had next to her”.

Please, stop grieving about someone who is that stupid. Go out and make someone happy.

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There’s an interesting article about dating assistance posted on TechCrunch a few days ago (just to take your minds off the story for something refreshing). It talks about virtual dating assistance where the dating services of “busy guys” gets outsourced. Of course, I’d be more than happy to hear your thoughts on this, and while you contemplate your response to this topic here’s another little story.

A friend of mine who has some nice people skills was working part-time as a dating assistant couple of years ago. Her part was to scout dating web sites for candidates that would fit her client’s requirements and contact them on behalf of the client to arrange a meeting. Now, so far this sounds just short of pimping – while it’s not. A simple code of ethics had actually increased her success rate – I ran statistics for her and it turns out she got up to a bit over 80% from just below 60%.

The rules were simple:

• no last names – if her client and his date decide so, they’ll exchange it, if not – then not, but she’s not disclosing neither’s personal details beyond the point of what’s neccessary to arrange the meeting
• a picture is worth a thousand words – if her contact didn’t have a dating profile picture and hadn’t sent her one, then meeting a no-go. If you’re not up to putting your decent picture into profile, then it’s not worth spending time on meeting you – plain and simple.
• she’s assistant – not personal counselor. Some ladies thought that by sucking up to her they could win some big guy and his money. Since my friend was getting a fixed rate she wasn’t interested in setting up some deals, and she was up-front about that.
• she’s assistant – if you’re interested, then you will meet the gentleman personally. She wasn’t attempting to pretend that she is her client. First of all – because it’s not ethical. Also, because it’s simply not that easy and anyone really paying attention would really be able to spot the scam. Since the whole thing was run mostly on reputation (as almost any other decent business) – the consequences could be just tragical.
• Look decent, act decent, be decent – if you plan to show up in miniskirt that ends a little earlier then legs start, or if you’re going to unleash your naughty self on the first date – then you are a wrong candidate. She had no problem with people wanting to have fun, it’s just wasn’t the goal of the job (for those who keep track – that’s the major distinction from pimping). All this was done in order to assist people in finding a person for long-lasting successful relationship, not a one-night stand.

There were a few others, but they pertained to specific demographic, so I am skipping all that. As you can see, there was nothing wrong with personal dating assistance. At times, when my friend was asking me for some advice, it felt more like recruiting a right candidate for a job rather than getting a date. Apparently, most of the candidates felt the same way, because the gig turned to be a major success.

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The summer is over. Now is a the last three weeks when you can still see, almost unobstructively, what you’re getting when you go out on a date.

In just less then a month ladies will start covering themselves in those clothes that hide more than they reveal and that keep you guessing if she’s the right size. It is also going to be less convenient for those romantic walks on the beach or in the parks as colder weather moves in.

So if you’re still searching, now is a good time to wrap up and settle for the cold winter months. Here are some suggestions as to how to do it:

• Don’t plan long dates at fancy places. Settle for shorter time frames (up to an hour), this may leave room for another date on a same day.
• Starting doing lunches. I know some girls are too proud to go on a lunch date, but some are not (I have found that those usually have much nicer personality and generally more interesting people). Balance it out.
• Have a backup plan. The place you’re going to might not appear to be as good when it rains than as when shines. Keep couple of places in mind to be flexible.
• Movies are good again. It’s not going to be freezing in the theaters anymore.
• Keep an extra small umbrella. That alone might be a chance for a second date.
• Now that it isn’t that hot – don’t overdo the cologne or deodorant. Too much smell may be a turn-off.
• Don’t try to penetrate her clothes with your sight. She’s perfectly aware of where you staring at, so keep yourself within bounds.
• More clothes – more chances to make a compliment. Use them wisely.

Generally speaking, pretty much any circumstance can be be used for both harm and good. If your aim is to get that girl – make sure you use them for good.

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The correct answer is “no”, of course, but I hope it made you think.

What do you think when you see a girl with a Blackberry, zealously typing away? Do you think she’s just the corporate slave, just like the most of us? But what if she bought this Blackberry on her own, because she wanted to?

What I usually say is “the cure girl with Blackberry has no personal life”. The reason for it is that the Blackberry (or any smart phone for that sense) is somewhat a cumbersome creature in itself. It takes time to figure one out. If the girl’s private life is all set, mostl likely she doesn’t have the time required for that. If you see she’s doing good with her Blackberry – that might be your chance. Don’t miss it.

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