Being happy is important, especially when your dating life is active. Why?
First of all - because other people can sense your happiness or un-happiness. If you come to a date happy, your date will feel that and will respond accordingly. I did numerous tests myself, and any time I came to a date sad, grumpy or simply unsatisfied - it plain didn’t work. The girl I went on a date with just didn’t want me - plan and simple. Even if she was interested - there was a cloud of sadness or unhappiness that prevented her from getting in touch later or to respond to my attempts to contact her.
Second - it lowers your self-esteem and self-confidence. We talked about self-confidence before, so go visit that post. In short - the better you feel about yourself, the better she will feel about you. One of my dates told me that the minute she met me she felt my presence, in her words: “I felt like I am with a MAN!”. Only a few months before that another girl, just like this one was telling me that I am “not sexually attractive” and she doesn’t really want to be anything more than friends.
Last, but not least - people like to associate themselves with other happy people. Look around - how often do you see your coworkers or friends post pictures of themselves being sad, grumpy, deeply concerned or crying? You are more likely to see happy vacation faces, happy children smiles or happy romantic couples photos. Behind it there is a same reason - people want to associate themselves with happy people. It makes them happy too. So is your date - she wants others to see that she’s good and she can make her date happy.
Don’t just go on a date and kill it all out. Bring your happy face, happy thoughts, happy smiles and who knows - maybe by the same day three months from now, one sunny morning she will tell you smiling as happy as it goes: “Honey, today’s our three months anniversary”. Be happy.
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My very first girl (don’t laugh!) was a cute 6-year old. I was a 6-year old cute boy then, so there wasn’t anything illegal involved. However, being a shy guy I still am, I managed to enjoy a continuous kissing sessions behind some abandoned building. She was, of course, against it, but I was damn persuasive. Besides, we all wanted to know what it feels like and why all those men and women on TV made such a big fuzz about it. Remember, we were 6, we had no idea what the hell the porn is.
Must admit - it doesn’t sound like much and it wasn’t much then. But now come to think of it - I was the earliest among my peers to start dating and actually got to a second base. She bragged about it even more then I did. We were heroes.
We didn’t even break up. Her parents moved to another part of town, so she went to a different kindergarten. Short story.
Technorati : dating, memoirs
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These days, striking out with the opposite sex is as simple as buying a webcam and “being yourself.” Thanks to Digg, where we found this beautiful story.
The commentaries are pretty obvious. This is just to illustrate that you should get creative in your dating behavior. Just don’t forget that you may end up on Esquire web page - and it ain’t going to be a good rap.
digg story
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You hook up with this great guy or gal. You exchange your phone numbers, you called each other couple of times. You set up a date. Ten minutes before the Hour H he called and said he has an emergency meeting. Or she called and said her mom got sick. You reschedule for tomorrow.
Tomorrow you get yourself ready, but 15 minutes before date he calls and says there’s an emergency at work and he needs to be there ASAP. Or she calls and says that her best friend got into car accident and she has to be there for her. You reschedule for next week.
Next week… well, you’ve got the idea. You are puzzled, because you still haven’t been on a single date with the person, so why all the avoidance? The answer is simple - the person you are trying to date is unavailable and this is exactly how such unavailability looks like in real life. The person could be married, or have a full-time girlfriend, or engaged, or… well, whatever. Point is - they play this game for either of two reasons: a) they need some excitement, and b) they want to see other people but can’t. Mainly because their other half wouldn’t let them.
Getting stood up because your date isn’t honest with you isn’t a pretty sight. Some ladies suggest that you keep couple of opportunities open for any night. If one of them failed, you can always roll back to another. Since you are not into anything serious yet, there is a high chance it will make sense. Also, there is nothing wrong with this, since this will boost your self-esteem and will just make you feel good.
Of course, if you really like the person, you’ve been on more then three dates with him or her and really want to show it - you wouldn’t do anything like this. On the contrary, offer your help, a lift to a place or a hand to help. Never worked for me though, but you may just be a little luckier.
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Just to kick start the conversation, let’s go over basics. Sure, you’ve seen this a thousand times, but according to my reports from trusted sources around 75% of us, guys, forget at least one of them. So here’s the breakdown.
- Be confident on your date (read more about this here). It means that you have to be calm and respectful, but not acting aloof. Also, it doesn’t mean that you have to boast about yourself all the time. Let the girl speak, listen, ask questions. And no, you can’t ask “can we go to bed already?”, not unless you are on a date with hooker.
- Be on time (read more about this here). Girls don’t really want to wait, so unless she’s looking for a sugar daddy and you take your time deciding between Bugatti and Rolls-Royce - be on time. Bring your trusty smartphone or PDA (not your favorite porn magazine), because you will be waiting for at least 10 minutes. It’s very rare that the girl would show up on time (if she does - she’s either desperate or control freak, either case is very dangerous, beware!).
- Bring enough cash (read more about this here). You WILL BE PAYING FOR HER ON A DATE. Unless you are a dork, mama’s boy or plain old asshole - you will be paying for her on a date. If you want more then just a date - you will be paying for her on a date. If you want her to respect you - you will be paying for her from the beginning. Unless, of course, you are looking for sugar mommy. But then - you are reading the wrong blog. This is one of the main tricks girls like to play: when your waiter brings your check she may go for a wallet. This is a good moment to do two things. First - tell her (with confidence in your voice) that you will take care of that. Second - if her hands are close enough - try to cover her hand with yours. Oh, and try not to nail her little palm to the table - be gentle. It may not sound like much, but it will give you the necessary clues as to what she thinks of you. If she insists on paying no matter what - you’re out. If she takes her hand out from under yours too fast - bad sign. If she lets you pay and don’t immediately withdraw her hand - you’re on the right track, keep up the good job.
(Note: a dinner for two in a nice restaurant in NYC, Brooklyn or Queens may run up to $150, so make sure you have something left afterwards. Also, be prepared and have couple of alternatives in case she’s a vegan, don’t like sushi or not into exotic food).
- No matter how good, bad or inadequate you think your date was - be a gentleman (read more about this here). Don’t say or do anything that may offend her. Wait until she’s in the cab, or in case you are driving her - make sure she enters her house/building. In New York boroughs it is considered a nice gesture to wait for lady to enter the building and shut the door behind her. Doors have plenty of glass for you to see that she’s safely inside. Again - doesn’t sound like much, but if your date wasn’t a total disaster it may give her a thought that you are a considerate man. If she already doesn’t think you’re a freak, that is. After she’s out of sight you can proceed to calling yourself a moron for telling that stupid story you thought was funny, spilled ketchup or whatever else we, guys, do on a sloppy dates.
- Call her next day and thank her for the time (read more about this here). Yes, she looked ten years older and twenty five pounds larger then her pictures on a dating site where you hit it off. Yes, she ordered the most expensive meal at the restaurant just to see how you will react. And yes, she didn’t let you kiss her goodbye when she left. Call her. You still may be surprised. My trusty sources tell me that by next day girl doesn’t remember half of your flops but will remember that you liked her sense of humor, her fluffy hair or how you opened the car door for her. Use it!
- BONUS! ONE MORE FREE DATING ADVICE! One more thing you absolutely must do on any date. Be generous - give her plenty of compliments. Even if she totally don’t deserve it - they cost you nothing at all. Don’t go into clothes unless you absolutely know what you are doing, but be inventive. If she spills coffee on the table say you too like to tell future by looking at coffee grounds.
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