Feb 06 2010

I Don’t Want Nothing Serious – Why Is She Telling You Just The Opposite Of What She Thinks

Posted in: Dating  |  Tags: , ,  Written by DD-Guy @ 1:00 pm

You are sitting comfortably on a date with the girl you like more and more every minute. You get to that point of conversation where you’re about to share what you want to do with your life in the next ten to twenty years. You, the brave man, venture ahead and boldly say that you want yourself some family, some kids, some stability. In her turn she’s telling you that she doesn’t want anything serious. You sit there a bit disappointed and crushed – after all you kind of liked her and you thought this just might get serious enough…

Here’s where you got to stop. There are few things that may have happened, so be a man and DON’T rush to conclusions immediately. After all, a little thought goes a long way.

1. She is playing you. That is, of course, the most obvious explanation. Basically she waits for you to say “Yeah, I have never believed in that serious relationship thing anyway”. Once you’ve said that – and unless she’s really that kind of the game – you’re done for.

2. She is teasing you. While this means something similar to the previous one, but still different. If she really likes you and your perception of seriousness, she may throw in some fun by saying she doesn’t care. That is, of course, if she’s aware that you have shown to have a sense of humor.

3. She is serious. That’s the biggest disappointment, I know, but yet there are still a couple of chances where you can improve the situation. Yes, she may not be interested in a serious dating – for now. Maybe she’s still recovering from the previous botched relationship. Maybe she just hasn’t met the right guy for so long she got too cynical about it. Or maybe she’s just saying it out loud so that it would turn out not true.

In either case – she’s not saying what she thinks. What you really want to do is figure out what does she hide behind those words. It’s a little dating game and you absolutely must play it – unless you want to bail out right there and then.

First thing you should do is t0 take a deep breath before you say anything else. Think the response through, as that may be an end to the date or a beginning of a beautiful relationship. Then you would want to say is something like: “Sure, I respect your view on this, so why don’t we take things slow and see where this will lead us to“. Now the important this is NOT TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE. If you blurt something like “and then maybe you will reconsider and marry me”, especially on a first or a second date – you’re in a bad shape. Just let it hang in there, because it’s a proposition to leave things going the way they were before. If she’s happy with it – she will agree to it. If she’s not – you don’t need to waste your time and energy on her anymore. In either case you’ll end up knowing more about where your relationship is going and that’s a good thing.


Jan 05 2010

Date You? Why Do You Think She Might Want To Date You?

Posted in: Dating  |  Tags: ,  Written by DD-Guy @ 11:31 pm

Just yesterday one of my friends was telling me how she broke up with her live-in boyfriend on January 1st. Admit it, it happens. Just yesterday you were celebrating and kissing, and today she slammed the door in your face and went to live with her parents/friend or (even worse) her new boyfriend. Or it could have been you who slammed the door and told her to go somewhere else. Shit happens. Dating shit happens even more often. It doesn’t matter anymore just after the moment you broke up. You’re back to dating, back into the search mode.

Now, you back on the dating market, what should you do? 5 simple steps should help you out.

1. Forget your grievances. I know, it’s hard, but until you do – don’t even think of showing up on any dating web site. Women have this “seventh sense”, they feel when you just coming out of a bad relationship, so unless you’re looking for mother-son type of relationship (more on that later) – don’t!

2. Do your homework. Once you over the break up, think why your relationship failed, especially how you contributed to the failure. Speaking from experience, it’s best done during the next mentioned activity.

3. Hit the gym! Holidays are food, fun, food and some more food. Everyone knows it, but it doesn’t mean she will accept your “love handles, extraordinaire“. Get back to your gym, your diet, your running routine, whatever – just get back in shape ASAP. If you want the best, you must give out your best.

4. Don’t bring your old relationship into the new one. This may sound like #1 on the list, but I actually mean something else. Even after you get over the break up, you still will be trying to take things as they used to be. Maybe she will let you slide once after you say “My ex-girlfriend always made coffee in the morning”, but if it gets a bit too repetitive you may find making only one cup of coffee instead of two.

5. Dress up! Whatever your ex was telling you about the way she wanted you to dress – forget that for a moment and dress nice and appropriate. Maybe she liked that “bad boy” style, maybe she wanted to be seen with total geek – whatever her choice was, there is a little chance you will make exactly the same impression on all the other girls you are planning to meet. So dress up, just a notch above the line so she would take you seriously.

With Valentine’s Day only weeks away, you may want to straighten up your image and get to searching so that someone truly significant will feed you those cheesy strawberries with creme or chocolates in February. Good luck!


Dec 31 2009

Christmas Story – A Day After

Posted in: Dating,Memoirs  |  Tags: ,  Written by DD-Guy @ 10:07 pm

A Christmas Story - A Day After (third date) (This is part 4. Click here for Part 3, Part 2 or Part 1)

So the next day comes and she calls him. They exchange pleasantries and agree to meet later on that day for a Friday night date. Obviously, there’s no talk about clubs, parties or any other stuff. They have decided to simply meet, talk and, maybe, walk.

Around 8 o’clock they’ve settled in a small restaurant, quiet enough that they could actually talk. She was persuasive as a devil himself, so our guy believed there was a legit reason for her to miss the date (Ahh, that persuasion force, triple-D on a bra scale – how many men have fallen for it). Since it was Friday already, there was no need to get up early tomorrow morning, so they sat and talk for hours. Then he drove her home and again – they talked for another couple of hours. She was wearing some sort of semi-transparent long skirt, so not only her curves were seductively partially visible, but also her gorgeous legs. She definitely knew how to capture man’s attention and keep it all to herself. When the clock in the car was showing 2:21am they decided to finish the date with a long goodnight kiss. By some 2:40am he was able to catch a breath and started a car on the way home.

Next few days passed, they met, walked or went out, kissing more passionately and more often. However, she was running out of new dresses. He was also running out – of patience. She noticed him getting anxious about taking the relationship to the next step (wasn’t that obvious!) and brought up an interesting discovery. Being a hot attractive woman she was never short of man’s attention. What she was short of, was men who wanted a good relationship. So she came up with this idea that the man should patiently win her over – in due time. She wasn’t shy of having sex, in fact, one of the reasons why she kept going out with our guy was that she was interested in him and having a healthy sexual relationship – all perks attached. Not just having hot sex, but having a full-blown relationship. Hot relationship.

And for that, she said, she wants him to change his wardrobe. Coming from the point when our guy was overweight and wearing size 42 clothes, it kind of made sense. So they went on a shopping spree. 5 hours and $5,000 later she finally was happy with the way her man looked on the outside. As a side benefit she got to see what’s under the bulky clothes and she loved every piece of it. But one last piece remained untouched. She decided if she wanted to put it out she want to do it in style.

They took a spontaneous trip to Philadelphia. Why Philadelphia? I asked them both – neither have any idea. It just sort of popped up in conversation. They booked a room in a plain hotel in the center of Philadelphia. He prepared a little surprise for her though. Once she walked into the reception area and said her name the receptionist handed her a huge bouquet of orchids, her favorite flowers, while he was still parking the car outside. Given that they have arrived at 10pm, this counted for double the brownie points. They got into their room and…

Well, let’s just wrap the story up by saying that next day they woke up late. Right around the corner from the hotel where they were staying there is a Philadelphia Love Park. That is where they took their first picture together – right under that huge red sign. And as they told me there wasn’t a day after that they spent apart ever since.


Aug 31 2009

Undercover Report – eHarmony.com – Part 3

Posted in: Dating  |  Tags: ,  Written by DD-Guy @ 11:40 am

Undercover Report – eHarmony.com – Part 3 Read Part 1, Part 2.

Last week I wrapped up the research and canceled the membership. Overall, I was extremely unsatisfied with the search process and quality of the results eHarmony offers and the main reason for it is the primary eHarmony’s feature – their matching system.

See, the idea behind the system that eHarmony offers is to match you only with people who align well with gazillion of test questions you’ve been asked. There’s whole another can of problems with test themselves, but we’ll get there in a moment. However, the whole process of answering questions, looking through supplied matches and making contact has been carefully crafted into bureaucracy beyond any wildest imagination. The solid and sound idea of scientific matching eroded into a chain of automatic canned responses similar to your average customer service phone. eHarmony have successfully diminished any kind of personal touch into choosing which canned response to use.

In all practicality the idea of putting a ladder of half a dozen steps (send your preferences, wait for her preferences, send next bunch of questions, wait for response, wait for her questions, and on and on) might work to protect you from a unnecessary attention, but any maniac would be much more determined to get to you then the person that just wants to find a relationship. For more active types this means abandoning the service, while for more passive it would probably mean settling for less. In either case people who use the service loose.

Now in regards to questions – they are neither helping nor telling anything useful about the person. From my experience, if the person writes some messed up entry on “how do you see your first date” question, it would tell me more about her than a bunch of multiple choice questions. Ever since the school we’ve been taught to pick the right answer on the test, but this isn’t a test, this is something totally different. Why even use multiple choice in such cases is beyond me.

I remember the initial idea behind an extensive questionnaire was to fend off maniacs and sleazes and keep the good guys in. Well, good guys just don’t have a load of time to sift through useless profiles without any sign of personality. Add lack of the photographs to lack of individuality and you would even be able to tell if the person behind profile is real.

Overall, the service seems to be a complete, utter and definite waste of time and money.


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