Don’t Date This Guy

One thing I forgot to share about the profile without pictures was that there was about a hundred of closed communications (that is when eHarmony sends you “check out this match” and you decide to close it for whatever reason), with the sole reason of profile missing the pictures.

This is important. In fact, this is the most important thing ever. eHarmony pitches itself as a service that matches you on a zillion levels through their overly complicated and annoying questionnaire process. However, think of it this way – if you have decided to bite the bullet and pay for matchmaking service, you want to get your money’s worth. Without an excellent picture in your dating profile you are wasting your money. Was that the idea? Hardly.

No matter how many questions you answer and how carefully eHarmony’s algorithm will be picking your matches, if your potential soul mate will see a garbled picture with someone wear something flashy shot against some kind of car – you pretty much making sure they won’t be interested. Imagine the girl of your dreams passing by because you yourself didn’t make any effort to make the connection.

One good thing about eHarmony is that even after another party has decided to close the connection, you still have a “grace shot” at it, sending your kind of closing message. After I have posted pictures to my profile I went through most of closed communications and shot back with “I have uploaded the pictures”. I bet only about 10 – 20% of ladies will give it another look. Just think about the rest of them and how much you are missing by simply being a lazy ass and not posting your pictures.

Remember: before you can get to her ears you need to please her eyes. Regardless of how many questions eHarmony will have you answer, not a single one of them makes you closer with your match.

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Since we have suggested a number of dating web sites on this blog, I have personally decided to bite the bullet and went undercover into some of the web sites we have listed – and some we have not. First hand report – read below.

First dating web site I went to was eHarmony – since they are the most advertised, or rather, were the most advertised when I was signing up. For full 2 months I kept my profile without any pictures – the matches were pouring in no matter what. I even started a conversation with some lady. I didn’t feel bad – 80% of matched profiles were without pictures as well. Of course it’s important to match on those hundreds of factors, but if there’s no picture – still, I’m not a game. I am, therefore, suprised that about 10% of matches did start some sort of communication. They must be either terminally naive or dead desperate. Judging by pictures of a few who had them – second reason makes incredibly more sense.

Overall, the picture scene on eHarmony puzzles me to no extent. A lot of good looking ladies have their pictures with good looking men – without any explanations whatsoever. I mean – this could be brother, uncle or gay friend – I couldn’t care less, but if you post a picture of yourself hanging off the neck of another guy – there better be an explanation of that. Sometimes there are two or even three guys who freely hug the lady. I have no objection to that in porn movies, but on a dating web site that pitches itself as a source for matching people for long term relationships… I don’t know.

Now to those party shots. I understand – you want to look sociable, friendly and nice. But if you’re the only one who’s looking 45 in the picture named “Me and my classmates from college” and your profile age is well under 40s – maybe you should reconsider the pictures you’re posting. Same goes for those pictures with bunch of drunken people in it – you’re not telling me you are sociable, you are telling me you hang out with drunks.

And last, on the topic of pictures, if you are paying money to find a match – shouldn’t you be a little more concerned with how you look in the picture? Invest an hour of your time as well, do your make up (or shave), brush your hair (if you have it), ask a friend to hold on to your point-n-shoot camera – look presentable.

As a second part of my research I have uploaded two pictures that in essence – similar to those that appear on user’s profiles. Third part, as you might imagine – uploading NORMAL pictures and measuring the difference. My prediction, based on current experience with eHarmony – it will not make any difference whatsoever. Why? Stay tuned.

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There’s an interesting article about dating assistance posted on TechCrunch a few days ago (just to take your minds off the story for something refreshing). It talks about virtual dating assistance where the dating services of “busy guys” gets outsourced. Of course, I’d be more than happy to hear your thoughts on this, and while you contemplate your response to this topic here’s another little story.

A friend of mine who has some nice people skills was working part-time as a dating assistant couple of years ago. Her part was to scout dating web sites for candidates that would fit her client’s requirements and contact them on behalf of the client to arrange a meeting. Now, so far this sounds just short of pimping – while it’s not. A simple code of ethics had actually increased her success rate – I ran statistics for her and it turns out she got up to a bit over 80% from just below 60%.

The rules were simple:

• no last names – if her client and his date decide so, they’ll exchange it, if not – then not, but she’s not disclosing neither’s personal details beyond the point of what’s neccessary to arrange the meeting
• a picture is worth a thousand words – if her contact didn’t have a dating profile picture and hadn’t sent her one, then meeting a no-go. If you’re not up to putting your decent picture into profile, then it’s not worth spending time on meeting you – plain and simple.
• she’s assistant – not personal counselor. Some ladies thought that by sucking up to her they could win some big guy and his money. Since my friend was getting a fixed rate she wasn’t interested in setting up some deals, and she was up-front about that.
• she’s assistant – if you’re interested, then you will meet the gentleman personally. She wasn’t attempting to pretend that she is her client. First of all – because it’s not ethical. Also, because it’s simply not that easy and anyone really paying attention would really be able to spot the scam. Since the whole thing was run mostly on reputation (as almost any other decent business) – the consequences could be just tragical.
• Look decent, act decent, be decent – if you plan to show up in miniskirt that ends a little earlier then legs start, or if you’re going to unleash your naughty self on the first date – then you are a wrong candidate. She had no problem with people wanting to have fun, it’s just wasn’t the goal of the job (for those who keep track – that’s the major distinction from pimping). All this was done in order to assist people in finding a person for long-lasting successful relationship, not a one-night stand.

There were a few others, but they pertained to specific demographic, so I am skipping all that. As you can see, there was nothing wrong with personal dating assistance. At times, when my friend was asking me for some advice, it felt more like recruiting a right candidate for a job rather than getting a date. Apparently, most of the candidates felt the same way, because the gig turned to be a major success.

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(This is part 3. Click here for Part 2 or here for Part 1)

Next day (I was told it was Tuesday, since this couple had their first date on Monday, no less) brought some sort of sobering to the guy. The more he thought about last night date the more he realized that it was too good to be true indeed. He was, however, going to call that girl anyway – at around 1pm, lunch time, – just to make sure he shouldn’t be making any more plans about that fabulous chick. This lasted until about 11:55 am when his phone rang (vibrated, actually) and – there she was.

She didn’t forget to thank him for the date first. Then, immediately after that she started telling him about how important it is to trust a person you’re getting involved with, then something about forces of nature and so on. From 45 minutes of talking he only had a chance to speak for about 45 seconds. He was, however, kind of impressed by how passionately the girl was talking about it. If nothing else, it felt like she went through a lot and is just trying to make sure she won’t have to go through it again. They had a pleasant chit-chat saying good-byes though. Each promised to call each other tomorrow.

Next day, she got to call him first – again! He started suspecting something, but she charged ahead with the question is he a good cameraman and if he owns a video camera. He responded that he knows they exist, but he’s trying to familiarize himself with photo equipment first. She said it’s a damn shame, she wanted to shoot a porn movie tonight and they didn’t have a camera man. She suggested putting a few feathers in various places to play cowboys and Indians under the blankets, to spice up things.

When laughter ended, she said she obviously called to check if he has a sense of humor. He promised to show her the size of it on a third date if she has any plans for a second one. She replied that she just might. They talked about something else for about an hour (I wasn’t really taking notes when the guy described – word for word – what they did talk about), and ended up setting a second date up on Thursday night. Tentatively, so far, to be confirmed tomorrow.

Tomorrow came, the date got confirmed. He was to pick her up at about 11pm to go to some club. Now, to side step the story a little, I have to tell you that this guy has never been to a club – ever! So when he subscribed to go – he just hadn’t had any idea what he was getting himself into. Plain and simple – he was flying right into the eye of a disaster. But he went all in and said yes to that. On the other hand – I would also be very very hesitant to say no to someone with 36 DDD bra and 25 inch waistline.

Around 9pm it suddenly occured to him that it would be nice to grab a flower bouquet and something extra. Sure, she would only see it for about a minute or two before leaving, but! He messes up something at the club, she gets home upset, sees the flowers and fruits and (maybe) forgives him. Or so the thought goes. He went to a store nearby, bought some flowers and composed a bouquet himself – yellow and peach roses, green leaves, nice and simple. He also grabbed a few bags of fruits – peaches, apples, tangerines.

11:05pm he calls – she doesn’t pick up the phone. In fact – calls went straight to voicemail, which meant the phone is turned off! 11:15pm – phone is still off. 11:30pm – off. 11:55pm – off. 12:20am – off. 12:42am – she calls him! Not even knowing what to think now, he tells her very dryly that he needs to drop off something to her and be gone, as there will be obviously no date today. He drives to her house, brings her flowers and fruits (less a few apples he chewed on while calling her) and trying to leave. She comes up with story that her close friend had died a week ago and they only told her this evening, she cried and fell asleep only to wake up at 12:30am and realized she stood him up. Not believing a single word she said he gives her a chance to make it up tomorrow. She says she’ll be more than happy to, because she feels bad. After another 45 minutes or so talking and gentle hugging they’ve parted.

(To be continued)

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(This is part 2. Click here for Part 1)

She called him that same day, June 19th. They spent about an hour talking on the phone, exchanging pleasantries and growing interest in each other carefully. Each sensed something familiar, but couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

As it turned out – both were Gemini, only 4 years apart. Both liked to fool around as madmen, but both were working since out of school, so it wasn’t like they had an easy living on their parent’s nickel. They have set on a date – right next day – both agreeing that better off meeting as soon as possible and see whether it will work out. Why waste time on pointless bickering if they both know what they want and just need a chance to see if the other party was right – or not.

When she showed up from her apartment, freshly made up and dressed up and glowing with confidence he realized he doesn’t know any good restaurants he can take her to. Anything he knew wasn’t upscale enough to take such a glamorous girl to. It would be painfully, obviously out of place. However, since she, nevertheless, hopped into the car he decided to go with Plan B.

What’s a plan B you asked? So did I. Turns out Plan B is when you don’t take your date to the most expensive restaurant you know. Basically, it is an unspoken rule that the better looking girl you take on a date, the better (and more expensive) restaurant you take her to. However, chances always are that girl will be so beautiful that there will be no such restaurant that you know of. Or can afford. Either way – you drop to Plan B.

So where to did he took her then? To the small pastry cafe, where everything (but the food) sucks – service, waiters, even prices. What’s the reason? Playing on the contrast.

Turned out the decision was a major success. They weren’t bothered by the service or having to mind their manners all the time and were able to relax. Coffee, tea and couple of biscuits were more than enough food for two non-stop talking Geminis.

The date lasted for three and half hours (instead of 45 minutes he thought it would). They were flirting before they even knew it. She asked a waiter for fruit salad. Waiter said that the only fruits they had was strawberries with whipped cream. Waving her huge eyelashes at both her date and a waiter she said that strawberries and whipped cream aren’t exactly the first date meal, but she knows, however, that one can lead to another. Waiter, totally red (shifting into infra-red already), left hastily.

When she excused herself to the restroom, he looked around and realized there were quite a few spectators that have abandoned their own dates as they watched for the outcome of our couple’s date. Girls were checking the guy out weighting the chance to approach him while the girl was away. Guys started lining up closer to the restroom exit with hopes to get a closer look at the girl. With slim waistline and DDD-size bra cup filled with 100% natural contents she was an eye candy for anyone.

But as every other date, this one had to end. He took her home, putting on couple of finishing touches, like saying he enjoyed the date, gently tapping her wrist while saying he doesn’t feel like letting her go. They parted wishing each other a good night. He promised himself not to forget to call her tomorrow since she looked almost too good to be true and anyway too good a chance to miss.

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