Don’t Date This Guy

There is a common misconception that if you surprise the girl you want to date with your sudden appearance (like jumping from around the corner) she will immediately recognize the best parts of your magnificent self. This inevitably will lead to her falling in love with you at first sight, dating you for as long as you like, marrying you and living happily ever after. Of course, I don’t have to explain why this is the as far from the truth as it can be. If you want to ask for date and get a date, not a slap on your face – read on.

A few days ago, on the bus, I met this absolutely gorgeous woman. She was the best a plastic surgery can do for a woman of a middle age. Tall, with stunning curvaceous body, large breasts, perfectly round tight ass, puffy lips, perfect facial features, bright blue eyes, light flawless skin – you know what I mean. We talked just a bit and one of the questions I asked was – how does she feel about the guys who approach her. Her answer wasn’t a surprise though – it was something I have already heard a number times over from hundreds of other girls.

She said she’s in her own inner world, paying little to no attention to things that go on outside. When someone approaches her, she actually has to make an effort to connect her world with our world and talk to that approached person. And after she’s done, she closes the door and gets back into the comfort of her own things. Therefore random people who approach her are sort of aliens to her – she watches them with childish amazement (I confirm that – it’s exactly how she looked at me throughout the whole conversation) and then sort of turns off the TV she’s watching.

Now, remember all those times when you were openly expressing an interest in some hot chicks out there and they barely noticed you. THEY ACTUALLY DIDN’T – but not because there’s something wrong with you, but because they are in the world of their own. Let me repeat that for the slowpokes – there is nothing wrong with you if that hot lady ignores you. She just isn’t mentally here at the moment.

Now back to our initial question on approaching and asking for a date. Knowing all this your job has just got a bit harder. But knowing this will definitely spare you from making a huge mistake, loosing a great date and on what truly could be your happily ever after.

Want to know more? Subscribe to Dating Advice Blog’s RSS feed and read on from the comfort of your own world.

Popularity: 5% [?]

Read Part 1, Part 2.

Last week I wrapped up the research and canceled the membership. Overall, I was extremely unsatisfied with the search process and quality of the results eHarmony offers and the main reason for it is the primary eHarmony’s feature – their matching system.

See, the idea behind the system that eHarmony offers is to match you only with people who align well with gazillion of test questions you’ve been asked. There’s whole another can of problems with test themselves, but we’ll get there in a moment. However, the whole process of answering questions, looking through supplied matches and making contact has been carefully crafted into bureaucracy beyond any wildest imagination. The solid and sound idea of scientific matching eroded into a chain of automatic canned responses similar to your average customer service phone. eHarmony have successfully diminished any kind of personal touch into choosing which canned response to use.

In all practicality the idea of putting a ladder of half a dozen steps (send your preferences, wait for her preferences, send next bunch of questions, wait for response, wait for her questions, and on and on) might work to protect you from a unnecessary attention, but any maniac would be much more determined to get to you then the person that just wants to find a relationship. For more active types this means abandoning the service, while for more passive it would probably mean settling for less. In either case people who use the service loose.

Now in regards to questions – they are neither helping nor telling anything useful about the person. From my experience, if the person writes some messed up entry on “how do you see your first date” question, it would tell me more about her than a bunch of multiple choice questions. Ever since the school we’ve been taught to pick the right answer on the test, but this isn’t a test, this is something totally different. Why even use multiple choice in such cases is beyond me.

I remember the initial idea behind an extensive questionnaire was to fend off maniacs and sleazes and keep the good guys in. Well, good guys just don’t have a load of time to sift through useless profiles without any sign of personality. Add lack of the photographs to lack of individuality and you would even be able to tell if the person behind profile is real.

Overall, the service seems to be a complete, utter and definite waste of time and money.

Popularity: 17% [?]

One thing I forgot to share about the profile without pictures was that there was about a hundred of closed communications (that is when eHarmony sends you “check out this match” and you decide to close it for whatever reason), with the sole reason of profile missing the pictures.

This is important. In fact, this is the most important thing ever. eHarmony pitches itself as a service that matches you on a zillion levels through their overly complicated and annoying questionnaire process. However, think of it this way – if you have decided to bite the bullet and pay for matchmaking service, you want to get your money’s worth. Without an excellent picture in your dating profile you are wasting your money. Was that the idea? Hardly.

No matter how many questions you answer and how carefully eHarmony’s algorithm will be picking your matches, if your potential soul mate will see a garbled picture with someone wear something flashy shot against some kind of car – you pretty much making sure they won’t be interested. Imagine the girl of your dreams passing by because you yourself didn’t make any effort to make the connection.

One good thing about eHarmony is that even after another party has decided to close the connection, you still have a “grace shot” at it, sending your kind of closing message. After I have posted pictures to my profile I went through most of closed communications and shot back with “I have uploaded the pictures”. I bet only about 10 – 20% of ladies will give it another look. Just think about the rest of them and how much you are missing by simply being a lazy ass and not posting your pictures.

Remember: before you can get to her ears you need to please her eyes. Regardless of how many questions eHarmony will have you answer, not a single one of them makes you closer with your match.

Popularity: 26% [?]

Since we have suggested a number of dating web sites on this blog, I have personally decided to bite the bullet and went undercover into some of the web sites we have listed – and some we have not. First hand report – read below.

First dating web site I went to was eHarmony – since they are the most advertised, or rather, were the most advertised when I was signing up. For full 2 months I kept my profile without any pictures – the matches were pouring in no matter what. I even started a conversation with some lady. I didn’t feel bad – 80% of matched profiles were without pictures as well. Of course it’s important to match on those hundreds of factors, but if there’s no picture – still, I’m not a game. I am, therefore, suprised that about 10% of matches did start some sort of communication. They must be either terminally naive or dead desperate. Judging by pictures of a few who had them – second reason makes incredibly more sense.

Overall, the picture scene on eHarmony puzzles me to no extent. A lot of good looking ladies have their pictures with good looking men – without any explanations whatsoever. I mean – this could be brother, uncle or gay friend – I couldn’t care less, but if you post a picture of yourself hanging off the neck of another guy – there better be an explanation of that. Sometimes there are two or even three guys who freely hug the lady. I have no objection to that in porn movies, but on a dating web site that pitches itself as a source for matching people for long term relationships… I don’t know.

Now to those party shots. I understand – you want to look sociable, friendly and nice. But if you’re the only one who’s looking 45 in the picture named “Me and my classmates from college” and your profile age is well under 40s – maybe you should reconsider the pictures you’re posting. Same goes for those pictures with bunch of drunken people in it – you’re not telling me you are sociable, you are telling me you hang out with drunks.

And last, on the topic of pictures, if you are paying money to find a match – shouldn’t you be a little more concerned with how you look in the picture? Invest an hour of your time as well, do your make up (or shave), brush your hair (if you have it), ask a friend to hold on to your point-n-shoot camera – look presentable.

As a second part of my research I have uploaded two pictures that in essence – similar to those that appear on user’s profiles. Third part, as you might imagine – uploading NORMAL pictures and measuring the difference. My prediction, based on current experience with eHarmony – it will not make any difference whatsoever. Why? Stay tuned.

Popularity: 28% [?]